Coolest Holiday Parties

Funny Thanksgiving Jokes

Thanksgiving has inspired some of the funniest Thanksgiving jokes, quotes and sayings. So, sit back and get ready for some of the funniest jokes around.

  • How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving? He was very thinkful.
  • What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
  • How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey? One, but you really have to squeeze him in!
  • Why can't you take a turkey to church? Because they use such FOWL language.
  • What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
  • Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building? Yes - a building can't jump at all.
  • If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims!
  • What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
  • Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey, he’s already been stuffed!
  • What are unhappy cranberries called? Blueberries!
  • Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner? He was exceeding the feed limit!
  • What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie? Your teeth.
  • Why didn’t the Pilgrim want to make the bread? It’s a crummy job
  • Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks.
  • Why did the pilgrim’s pants keep falling off? The buckle was on his hat!

-- Coolest Thanksgiving Jokes --

  • What would you get if you crossed a Pilgrim with a type of cracker? A Pilgraham!
  • If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their age!
  • Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play!
  • What would you get if you crossed Thanksgiving and Easter? Feaster Sunday!
  • What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
  • Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
  • Why did the Pilgrim eat a candle? He wanted a light snack!
  • How does a Turkey drink her wine? In a gobble-let
  • What do turkeys like to do on sunny days? They like to go on a peck-nic.
  • What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
  • What's black and white and red all over? A Pilgrim with a rash!
  • Why did the turkey eat his meal so quickly? Because he was a gobbler.
  • What was the main thing the Pilgrims did during the first winter? Starve.
  • What did the monster say to the Thanksgiving turkey? "Pleased to eat you!"
  • What did the little turkey say to the big turkey? "Peck" on someone your own size!
  • What do you get after eating way too much turkey and dressing? Dessert, of course!

-- Coolest Thanksgiving Jokes --

  • "I was going to serve sweet potatoes with Thanksgiving dinner, but I sat on them.
    "So what are you serving now?"
  • Gobbler said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!"
    "I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?"
    "Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954..."
  • Teacher: "Where did the Pilgrims come from?"
    Student: "Their parents, of course!""You know an ancestor of mine came over on the Mayflower."
    "Really? Which rat was he?"
  • A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."
  • Teacher: "What did the Indians bring to the first Thanksgiving?"
    Student: "Baseballs."
    Teacher: "Baseballs?"
    Student: "Yeah, they were Cleveland Indians!"
  • A poultry farmer was experimenting to breed turkeys with more legs for greater profits. Finally, he succeeded. While narrating the results to his friends, he told them, "The turkey I bred had six legs!"
    His friends who had got quite excited, eagerly asked, "What about the taste?"
    The father said with a long-drawn face, "Do you think it is so easy to catch it?"
  • Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," a student wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."
  • Two pilgrims go out hunting. One has two blunderbusses (guns).
    The second pilgrim asks, “Why do you have two blunderbusses?”
    The first pilgrim explains, “I usually miss the first time I shoot. By taking two I can shoot again”. The second pilgrim thinks for a while and then says, “Why not just take the second one, and only shoot once?”
  • Teacher: "Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?"
    Student: "So we know when to start Christmas shopping!"

-- Coolest Thanksgiving Jokes --

  • Knock, knock!
    Who's there?
    Arthur who?
    Arthur any leftovers?
  • Knock Knock.
    Who's there?
    Wilma who?
    Wil Ma make lots of food again this Thanksgiving?
  • How To Cook A Turkey:
    Step 1: Go buy a turkey
    Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
    Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
    Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
    Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
    Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
    Step 7: Turk the bastey
    Step 8: Whiskey another bottle of get
    Step 9: Ponder the meat thermometer
    Step 10: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
    Step 11: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
    Step 12: Take the oven out of the turkey
    Step 13: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
    Step 14: Turk the carvey
    Step 15: Get yourself another scottle of botch
    Step 16: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
    Step 17: Bless the dinner and pass out


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